Women Kill Me

I love'em
with wide animated faces
with cute slightly, big noses
with a good taste in music
with a good sense of humor
with them pearly teeth
with tall elegant necks
with broad shoulders
with thick eye brows
with them killer black eyes
with issues.

& I love'em
graceful
tomboyish
strong & needy
sporty
tall & leggy
biased & wise
skinny
big
shy & confident
spontaneous & self-conscious.


And, I adore'em
when they do that little spin around that spins your world around
when they shake your extended fist instead of bumping it
when they drink the foamy face of your cappuccino with their straw
when they say your name...just simply your name
when the fight not to conform
when they sock you on the arm
when they laugh their hearts out in the middle of the street
lama ykono mtartasheen
when they are being themselves and not giving a fine fuck
when they race you around the streets
when they do that thing, moving away a strayed strand of hair behind their ears...this kills me
when they get out of their ride home just to finish a conversation, even thu they were late
when their text msg brings u back to life
when they love you
when they are too good for you
& when they give up on you
....wanna say when they come back around and we live happily ever after...but, hey! c'est la vie!

See, Women kill me....they fascinate me

                                            But, I can't live with'em
                                                           And,I can't live without'em!

that other thing

i really know about two things , the first thing is art it comes to me naturally , it makes me feel happy , sane , in control & rather peaceful . not like the anxiety and angst i feel on contemplating on the other thing that i know also to well...i think i do at least...but to be honest i don't know what to call it & um not even sure i know anything about it in the first place cuz the more i know about it the more um sure that i know absolutely nothing !


But it's all i do all day long...and it's what has total control of me...it brings me down & cheers me up ,  it control my actions and reactions , it fucks everything up on purpose and then justifies and explains why was it all for my own good and well being , it manipulates me and yet makes me end up believing that it was all me ..that i was in control and knew what was going on from the begining.

i can't  explain it !
it doesn't allow me to explain it & yet it stands right here vividly , right in the middle of my mind...right now as um writing actually...dominating my thoughts & mocking my weakness , promising me that it's gonna make everything better for me just as soon as i stop typing and give up this "pathetic" attempt to tell on her....yes, it's a her....i don't know why !

i guess if i had to name it , i'll call it chasing wisdom...but i guess y'all know by now that i could be gravely delusional and misleaded....by her...by that other thing.