This is important, this is a defining moment.

For the first time in my life I have some clarity about what has been tormenting me for years.

   And, the significance for it comes from subtle reasons, and subtlety has always been something I rely on in anything I believe in.

   It's not fully grasped, this clarity, and I'm grateful for that because once I have a full understanding of it I'd start to deconstruct it by overthinking but this way, having this vague certainty to lead me, feels finally right and god only knows how I've never felt right.

    I had it a couple of weeks before my all time favorite actor Jim Carey delivers it in almost the same wording which is significant to me, those little signs save you sometimes.

    All I have to do is nurture the epiphany lightly so it wouldn't dissolve into nothing while gently guide it, or maybe just allow it to take over my tired mind and soul.

Every Planet We Reach Is Dead

A couple of years back I tweeted that one of my fears was going to a Gorillaz concert without someone special.
It was all hypothetical, back then I didn't have the luxury of imagining being in one.

Well, two days ago I was in one, fan pit, first row, in the center exactly.

Alone.

The concert was amazing, almost flawless. And, for a while, I convinced myself that the whole being alone there was not bad at all and I'm finally self sufficient enough not to need anybody to do what I love.

But, in all honesty, I don't have a definite answer whether I enjoyed being alone there or wished I had someone.

That's what I don't really like about things, you never really have a definite answer for anything important.


On a side note, the setlist didn't have my favourite song, Every planet we reached is dead. But they played it, with an amazing twist.

Told you it was almost flawless.


Every planet we reach is dead

I wish I had the courage to be me.
I wish I had the courage to tell you off.
I wish I had the courage to tell you that I hate your game.
I wish I had the courage to tell you that I hate myself for playing it.
I wish I had the courage to tell you that I hate myself.
I wish I had the courage to accept hating myself.
I wish I had the courage to hate myself lovingly.

fuck it